When I was little, I wouldn’t talk to people. I mean it. I didn’t talk to anyone except for my mom and dad. If I let out a peep it was only to tell my mom I wanted to leave wherever we were and to go home, or to cry because people scared me. Seriously, ask any of my family members or kindergarten classmates. Lol can you say issues?
As I grew up, I came out of my shell little by little (thank God), but usually only enough to say things that I thought other people would be okay with me saying, all the while trying to be like “everyone else.”
It’s only been within the past year or two that I’ve realized that this stemmed solely from doubts and insecurities.
My whole life I’ve grown up with the insecure voices in my head that we all do. You know, those voices in our head that tell us everyone else is beautiful, but for whatever reason, you’re not?
I know that people tried to tell me otherwise as I grew up, but it really took me until recently to actually accept and believe that those voices were nothing more than Satan feeding me lies in hopes of getting me to believe that I didn’t have anything to offer.
Before I realized that the voices were from the enemy, I did what I think a lot of young kids do, and was tricked into accepting those voices as truth.
If you’re like me, the thoughts of doubt and worthlessness in your head can be scary. I used to hate them. They caused a lot of anxiety and hurt for me, and I’d be scared of what terrible truth they might show me about myself, or what dream of mine they might squelch in a given day. So for a long time, in an attempt to find a solution, I’d try to drown the voices out.
When I’d hear Satan telling me things I didn’t want to hear or believe, I’d try to distract myself. I’d watch tv and would fill my head with nonsense in hopes of overpowering his lies. I’d gossip with people about other people so that I wouldn’t have to think about the chatter in my own head. I would eat (or not eat) until I was so full (or hungry) that I wouldn’t be able to think clearly enough about anything except the fact that I was so stuffed (or starving).
In hopes of helping anyone who’s experiencing something similar, let’s think about these voices metaphorically. Picture ourselves swimming at the shore of an ocean, and picture these lies Satan feeds us as waves approaching us on the shore. Trying to stop Satan’s lies from entering our heads is equivalent to trying to stop the waves of the ocean from crashing over us when they approach. It’s an impossible feat.
Satan will always make it his mission to tell us that we are not worthy of life, of love, of success, of whatever, just as the waves of the ocean will always come. The solution is not to stop the waves from coming, but rather, to recognize that when they do come, we are not slaves to them, but instead, can rise above them.
We don’t need to fear the voices of doubt, or try to stop the voices of worthlessness altogether. We need to remember that we really can swim, and when we do experience a wave of insecurity or doubt, we can allow it to crash over us, uninhibited, and respond by calmly rising to the top and continuing to swim forward in our lives.
To think of it another way, picture an alarm clock. (Yes, I’m switching metaphors. I love metaphors, so sue me). If your alarm goes off, and you’re, for some reason, not able to shut it off, but can still hear it, it’s similar to Satan’s lies in our head.
At first, it makes you jump, right? You panic, assume something is wrong, and want to immediately do something to shut it off. Eventually though, as time goes on, you become accustomed to the noise, and recognize it’s not a cause for panic. The alarm continues to go off, but you’re able to continue about your day, and to do the things you need to get done. It’s just noise…
Is it annoying at first? Yes. But does it inhibit you from progressing forward? No. And what happens after the alarm goes off long enough without being touched? … It shuts off on it’s own! And so it is with Satan’s lies.
So to any girls (or guys) out there thinking about unnecessarily changing something about yourself, because you’ve been duped into thinking you are not enough, remember that you don’t need to change a thing. You are more than enough, just the way you are, and to lose yourself in hopes of becoming someone you were never created to be would be stripping the world of a vital part of its truth.
You don’t need to look to other people for permission to allow your true self to manifest.
“To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he has made us accepted in the beloved.” Eph 1:6