Before I was afraid // creativity & ignorance.

Some reflections on writing and making stuff.

I just went back and re-read some of my old blog posts on here.

I remember how happy I was to be creating back then.

Just writing for writing’s sake.

Because I wanted to, needed to, and knew I was meant to.

So I did. Simple as that.

I remember a time when writing came so naturally to me (and I thought so little about why I would or wouldn’t write), that when I came across a motivational message online, encouraging people who were feeling stuck in their creativity to ‘overcome their fears’ and ‘do the thing anyway,’ I was fully confused… wondering why people wouldn’t just make the thing that’s on their heart, if it’s clearly asking to be made.

Then & Now.

My creative process used to be so simple:

  1. Get an idea.
  2. Write about the idea.
  3. Share the idea.
  4. Feel good afterwards. (Because being creative and letting that creativity be seen generally feels really good).

Now, my creative process looks something like this:

  1. Get an idea.
  2. Get distracted, usually by some form of fear or anxiety, oftentimes rooted in something entirely unrelated to said idea.
  3. Forget the idea.
  4. Remember the idea again a few days later.
  5. On the rare occasion I have the time/energy for it: write about the idea.
  6. Think about sharing it.
  7. Think about all the reasons I shouldn’t share it: I’m probably saying it wrong, it’s already been said before, nobody cares, what if I get canceled, I shouldn’t write until I’ve figured out a way to monetize it, if I’m gonna write then I should start by responding to the texts and emails that have been sitting in my inbox… the reasons are endless.
  8. More often than not: I don’t share the idea.

Ignorance really is bliss.

My creative mind used to be so untainted by the world, and by the other, darker parts of my own mind, that it was as if I had never encountered creative procrastination or fear at all.

Or… maybe I had, now that I think of it. But it wasn’t a lot. And when I did feel some hesitation, I recall now that I’d rely on my religion to remind me that I was allowed to – even urged to (by god*) – to share whatever it was on my mind, in order to help the world see the way (…the truth, and the life).

Oh my, there’s a lot we could unpack here.^ But for now I’ll just say: for the first 20-something years of my life, I was a pretty devout and unquestioning Christian. And at the time, this certainly made me more compelled to just share the thing, rather than not. More reflections on how my interpretation of faith affected my life in future posts, I’m sure… ❤️

Anyway, religious or not, the bottom line is: I was naive.

I was young.

My world was quite small.

My sense of reality was limited.

And in a lot of ways, I was ignorant.

And that, incidentally, made making stuff and sharing it really easy.

On keeping posts up that I no longer believe in…

Reading my old blog posts back, some of what I said I still agree with.

But a lot of it I don’t.

Some of it I really don’t agree with (peep some of the religious stuff).

You’d think, because of this, I’d want to hide or archive the older pieces, for fear of people finding them and misunderstanding who I am today because of what I said back then…

But you know what’s weird? I can’t bring myself to take them down. Not right now, at least.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I feel so proud of past Bibs, for writing all that stuff.

For daring to let herself be seen, as she actively processed and tried to understand herself and the world.

And for no reason other than, she felt like it (and/or felt like she was meant to).

Creating for creating’s sake.

Especially now in the age of social media and coaching – there’s so much writing shared to try to get something.

To get clients, get followers, get you to buy a program or a product…

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t dream of my own writing funding my life someday.

But there’s something so precious about the fact that I wrote back then primarily for the love of writing.

So for now, the old stuff stays. If for no reason other than to inspire me to try to do the same from time to time.

My oldest stuff on this blog I wrote back in 2015, 8 years ago. I can appreciate that 8 years from now, I’ll likely (and hopefully) have evolved to a point of disagreeing with some of whatever I might post between now and then. That’s part of any growth-oriented life.

But it’s no reason to keep quiet, right? Life is so much richer when you let people in on the journey.

For anyone reading: thanks for being here. Some of you have been here since 2015. And others for even longer. I know I had at least three other blogs before this one…

  1. Bibs in Berlin (study abroad semester in Berlin, pretty straightforward).
  2. Bibs’ Bread (I used to bake bread for food pantries, and write about it. This was before I realized I was severely intolerant to gluten. Joke’s on me 😏).
  3. And Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself (the prequel to

Speaking of, what do you all think: if I want to share some writing like this, this year, would you prefer I do it like this (on my site), or on substack (which seems to be ‘the new blog’)?

Thoughts are welcome. Also, how are you? Have you ever experienced ignorance as a catalyst for creativity? I would love to hear from you. 🌱

P.S. In this piece, I originally planned to talk about creativity as privilege, and how, over the years, the internet has changed how and what I share with the world, but I’m realizing now that this creativity stuff is a multipart series, and I want those things to be their own post. So if you came here for that, I hope you’ll stick around in the coming months to hear it. I sincerely thank u 4 ur patience. 😌

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