Category: Creativity

making things when you’re burnt out // creativity & privilege.

making things when you’re burnt out // creativity & privilege.

eleitzmann

Creativity as a privilege.

I quit my job back in May.

Which, speaking of privilege, was a huge one.

I had some money saved up, and was hopeful I’d be able to take a few months off before finding another job. So after weeks and weeks of contemplating it, I finally gave my notice, and left.

My main goal with quitting was to recover. I was burnt out, felt like I was constantly in survival mode, and most days, I barely recognized myself.

My second goal was to hopefully get back in touch with my creativity, which I hadn’t given much of any attention to for the greater part of 3 years.

I’m not sure how common a goal it is to ‘get in touch with your creativity.’ My guess is many people naturally integrate creativity into their lives, so don’t need to make it a goal.

Others, I imagine, are like me before I quit: running so fast in their pursuit of survival (and perhaps success) that a seemingly frivolous goal like ‘getting creative’ does not, or literally CANnot cross their mind.

Capitalism & privilege.

And this is what I can’t get out of my head. How capitalism has turned creativity — what should be a birthright — into a privilege.

When we’re young, and if we’re lucky, our needs are largely met for us, by parents and caretakers. Our creativity is more easily accessible, because we have the space for it to exist.

We play, we make bad art, we use our imagination.

Then we get older, the responsibility to care for ourselves becomes ours, and oftentimes, we become stressed at best, or in my case, entirely burnt out. We swap the natural desire and space to express our creativity with the desire and need for survival.

This especially goes for those that are marginalized: POC, minorities, the LGBTQ+ community, the disabled, women…

Many of us can’t possibly integrate creativity into our lives, because we’re too busy running for our lives. Trying to keep or find a job, make money to pay for a roof over our heads / for food / for survival.

Never mind if you’re dealing with any kind of crisis or other significant challenge on top of the challenge of surviving. A breakup, a layoff, a health scare…

Reaching rock bottom at the worst of my burnout got me thinking about my life before capitalism ruled it. And how I used to make stuff… because I wanted to. And how good and glorious that felt. 😏

Creativity as a birthright.

This is what I want for all of us.

The space (and consequent desire) to make stuff, and the joy and fulfillment that comes with that.

I’ve heard it said that at our core, we’re all just mammals who like to make beautiful things and look at said things. (And when we’re not doing that, we like to cuddle and groom the other mammals that we love). And I tend to agree.

So I think we should all have the right to do these things.

It’s only fair, given that none of us even asked to be here (not literally, at least).

And yet, what I have a hard time reconciling, is the fact that we’re all born into these systems, often rigged against us, causing access to these things to be reserved for only those that have significant amounts of privilege (read: money).

And for the rest of us… well, we’re hustling to survive. Thus causing the notion of making shit for fun to sound almost silly.

Like I’m sorry, but I’m worried about paying rent next month, and buying groceries to feed myself. And at the end of each day, I’m so wiped, I’m lucky if I can make a meal and zone out in front of the tv before doing it all again the next day. So no, I do not have time to draw or color or do whatever else it is you mean by ‘create.’ 🙃

^ me, if you asked me if I create, in the thick of my burnout/job searching. And this is and was me coming from an already incredibly privileged place myself, relatively speaking. I can only imagine how much harder it is for people for whom the system is so much more aggressively rigged against.

Reclaim it with me.

Still, I believe, creativity IS our birthright. Or else, it should be. It’s only become a privilege since survival itself has become a privilege. And I want to change that.

So. What do you say? How do we do it? Should we overthrow the government? All live on a commune and care for each other like family? 👀

Kidding.

For me, and for now, it starts with the little things.

In the middle of a busy day at work, or looking for jobs, it’s cutting up a snack for myself, and laying it on a plate, just so.

(Art)

It’s journaling about nothing for 3 minutes in the morning, in handwriting so messy that I know I’ll never be able to read back what I wrote. (I’m always amazed at how time slows down, even in those 3 minutes).

(Art)

It’s saying no to shit I don’t need to say yes to, towards the end of a long work day, so that I can log off to make a nice meal for myself and my partner instead. (Art).

It’s folding the clothes beautifully, after a big load of laundry… that’s right. Chores are art, damn it.

(Art)

The question for me (and for you if you’d like) is: how can we invite art and freshness into our existence as it is?

And if that doesn’t feel feasible to do on your own: how can you rely on the support of those around you, or perhaps seek out support from those you don’t yet know, to help invite it in?

It’s not fair that we have to work to create space for something that — survival mode aside — would be so inherent to our existence. I’ll say it again, creativity is our birthright, and I wish the world (or at least the US) saw it that way.

But if fighting for it is the only way, then fight for it, we must. Right?

Wait, why do I sound like I’m about to start a revolution rn?

The cool thing about taking this approach, is creativity begets creativity. Life creates life. So doing these tiny things, I notice, naturally feels so good that it encourages me to do more things like it. Capitalism may have 40+ hours of my life, but I will find ways to build creativity and thoughtful intricacies into it, no matter what. That’s how I feel right now at least, caffeinated and heading into a weekend. (Ask me again on Monday and perhaps I’ll have a little less pizzazz and fight in me, for this so-called revolution).

Anyway… that’s what I have to say this week. Stepping off my 🧼📦 now. What do you think about this stuff? How do you create space for creativity or whatever it is that brings you joy in your own life?

Btw when I say creativity, I really just mean anything that brings new energy and life into your own life. Playfulness, joy, laughter, writing, drawing, coloring, knitting, photography, posting on social media, having a conversation, sex, dancing, resting, reading, (as I said) laundry, making snacks or food for yourself, journaling… the list goes on. All of these things involve creation of some sort. Making something exist that wasn’t previously there. And they’re all equally beautiful and valid. 🎨

Okay, I’m signing off now. Would love to hear from you, as always!

LOVE TO U ALL,
Bibs

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Before I was afraid // creativity & ignorance.

Before I was afraid // creativity & ignorance.

eleitzmann

Some reflections on writing and making stuff.

I just went back and re-read some of my old blog posts on here.

I remember how happy I was to be creating back then.

Just writing for writing’s sake.

Because I wanted to, needed to, and knew I was meant to.

So I did. Simple as that.

I remember a time when writing came so naturally to me (and I thought so little about why I would or wouldn’t write), that when I came across a motivational message online, encouraging people who were feeling stuck in their creativity to ‘overcome their fears’ and ‘do the thing anyway,’ I was fully confused… wondering why people wouldn’t just make the thing that’s on their heart, if it’s clearly asking to be made.

Then & Now.

My creative process used to be so simple:

  1. Get an idea.
  2. Write about the idea.
  3. Share the idea.
  4. Feel good afterwards. (Because being creative and letting that creativity be seen generally feels really good).

Now, my creative process looks something like this:

  1. Get an idea.
  2. Get distracted, usually by some form of fear or anxiety, oftentimes rooted in something entirely unrelated to said idea.
  3. Forget the idea.
  4. Remember the idea again a few days later.
  5. On the rare occasion I have the time/energy for it: write about the idea.
  6. Think about sharing it.
  7. Think about all the reasons I shouldn’t share it: I’m probably saying it wrong, it’s already been said before, nobody cares, what if I get canceled, I shouldn’t write until I’ve figured out a way to monetize it, if I’m gonna write then I should start by responding to the texts and emails that have been sitting in my inbox… the reasons are endless.
  8. More often than not: I don’t share the idea.

Ignorance really is bliss.

My creative mind used to be so untainted by the world, and by the other, darker parts of my own mind, that it was as if I had never encountered creative procrastination or fear at all.

Or… maybe I had, now that I think of it. But it wasn’t a lot. And when I did feel some hesitation, I recall now that I’d rely on my religion to remind me that I was allowed to – even urged to (by god*) – to share whatever it was on my mind, in order to help the world see the way (…the truth, and the life).

Oh my, there’s a lot we could unpack here.^ But for now I’ll just say: for the first 20-something years of my life, I was a pretty devout and unquestioning Christian. And at the time, this certainly made me more compelled to just share the thing, rather than not. More reflections on how my interpretation of faith affected my life in future posts, I’m sure… ❤️

Anyway, religious or not, the bottom line is: I was naive.

I was young.

My world was quite small.

My sense of reality was limited.

And in a lot of ways, I was ignorant.

And that, incidentally, made making stuff and sharing it really easy.

On keeping posts up that I no longer believe in…

Reading my old blog posts back, some of what I said I still agree with.

But a lot of it I don’t.

Some of it I really don’t agree with (peep some of the religious stuff).

You’d think, because of this, I’d want to hide or archive the older pieces, for fear of people finding them and misunderstanding who I am today because of what I said back then…

But you know what’s weird? I can’t bring myself to take them down. Not right now, at least.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I feel so proud of past Bibs, for writing all that stuff.

For daring to let herself be seen, as she actively processed and tried to understand herself and the world.

And for no reason other than, she felt like it (and/or felt like she was meant to).

Creating for creating’s sake.

Especially now in the age of social media and coaching – there’s so much writing shared to try to get something.

To get clients, get followers, get you to buy a program or a product…

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t dream of my own writing funding my life someday.

But there’s something so precious about the fact that I wrote back then primarily for the love of writing.

So for now, the old stuff stays. If for no reason other than to inspire me to try to do the same from time to time.

My oldest stuff on this blog I wrote back in 2015, 8 years ago. I can appreciate that 8 years from now, I’ll likely (and hopefully) have evolved to a point of disagreeing with some of whatever I might post between now and then. That’s part of any growth-oriented life.

But it’s no reason to keep quiet, right? Life is so much richer when you let people in on the journey.

For anyone reading: thanks for being here. Some of you have been here since 2015. And others for even longer. I know I had at least three other blogs before this one…

  1. Bibs in Berlin (study abroad semester in Berlin, pretty straightforward).
  2. Bibs’ Bread (I used to bake bread for food pantries, and write about it. This was before I realized I was severely intolerant to gluten. Joke’s on me 😏).
  3. And Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself (the prequel to Bibs.live).

Speaking of Bibs.live, what do you all think: if I want to share some writing like this, this year, would you prefer I do it like this (on my site), or on substack (which seems to be ‘the new blog’)?

Thoughts are welcome. Also, how are you? Have you ever experienced ignorance as a catalyst for creativity? I would love to hear from you. 🌱

P.S. In this piece, I originally planned to talk about creativity as privilege, and how, over the years, the internet has changed how and what I share with the world, but I’m realizing now that this creativity stuff is a multipart series, and I want those things to be their own post. So if you came here for that, I hope you’ll stick around in the coming months to hear it. I sincerely thank u 4 ur patience. 😌

🎙️ Did you know I have a podcast? 🎙️

Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Youtube.

Pro-tip 💡: On Youtube & Spotify you get video, too!

💫 This post is brought to you by… me! 💫

If you feel so inclined, you can support my work on Patreon,

at Patreon.com/bibslive.